I have been trying for over a month to download photos to share. Hmm....it isn't working.

Happy New Year! Welcome 2011

It is another year and I'm excited to see where this year will take us and the family. It is always an uncertainty where we will go and what each day will bring our way.



Changes have already started for us and it is only the first few weeks in the month and of the new year. That's okay, I think we might be up for changes, and I'm expecting them all to be good ones.



Samantha is finally doing better, but it has taken a very long time for her to heal over Scott. I watched her lose the sparkle that has been in her eyes, but then I've also got to watch her heal and start to get it back. It has been a long process but she is doing so much better, and today Scott and his girlfriend have finally left Wilmington for good. Samantha said it was like a weight being taken off of her. She doesn't have to worry about running into the two of them anymore. Good.



As far as Patch, I still miss my big buddy. His ashes are right in front of where I sit and I see him every day. I miss him, but I know he isn't in pain. Myles and I spend all of our time together, he sits right beside me all the time, or in my arms. I told Phil that I don't want another dog any time soon, I want it just Myles and I for a while.



I am still working at Dubs Grill, it is a week at a time type of job. I love working there, I love the customers and the people I work with each day. How many people can say that? But they are going to be making some changes, and when they do they are not going to have any waitresses. Bummer.



My classes are slow right now. The first week back from the holidays was slow, a total of 3 students, and then the following week was cancelled be cause of snow. Yes, snow. we had anywhere from 2 to 8 inches of snow. It snowed on Monday and here it is
Friday and we still have some snow and ice on the ground. Ugh...I hate cold weather.

.....................Yes, life does get better.

It has been two weeks now, and my heart isn't hurting like it was. I've brought Patch's ashes home and he is now sitting right in front of me, sort of. I felt so much better once we had his ashes, it was like he was still with us.

.........................still hurting.

I am so sorry but I need to express my hurt some where, somehow. I am still hurting over the loss of Patch, but what is hurting the most is knowing that my daughter is hurting so bad over her boyfriend breaking up with her and knowing that I can't help her. She is hurting to the point that I'm very worried about her. When I look at her it is like looking at a blank canvas, there is nothing there to resemble the person that she was on Saturday morning. She has always had a joy about her, it is completely gone. I worry about her all the time, she is always on my mind.

Now the ex-boyfriend is moving his girlfriend here to live with him, and this isn't even his home town. He moved here to be with Samantha, now he is moving this other girl here. Why can't he just leave, why throw this girl in her face. And he still hasn't spoken to Sam, hasn't got the balls to speak to her. Just texting....not explaining anything. Will Samantha ever have closure from this or will she always wonder what happened.

She hasn'[t eaten for two days now. She isn't sleeping. I know she will survive this, that she will go on but right now the pain is so raw, so real. Me, I want to hurt him. No, I won't hurt him but I would love for him to feel the pain that he has caused her. Will I ever get the picture of her on the floor out of my mind? Oh my God, she needs help.

What a weekend.

Friday we had to put down our family dog, of 11 years, and my heart is broken. Then while still reeling from this lost my daughter's boyfriend, whom she loved, broke off things with her today. So as I sit here and cry over Patch I also have tears for Samantha. I've never seen her so in love, she has been floating on air for months now...looking towards the future with stars in her eyes. And last night it started crashing all around her and she fell to the ground today. As a mother I can't stand seeing her hurt like this and I can't help her at all.

As if putting Patch down wasn't hard enough. He was such a brave dog, always protected me. When Phil was out of town I never worried cause I knew he would protect me no matter what. Now he is gone. His ashes will be here on Tuesday, so in a way he will still be with me. And Myles, they were best buddies and he is missing Patch. And the two black dogs are crying. It is the strangest experience, the dogs all know he is gone and they are grieving.

It is just a sad time in our home right now. I need God to carry me right now cause I don't think I have the strength to move right now.

...................Why should I be surprised?

People never really are what tehy seem to be anymore. People have forgotten how to do the right thing, no matter what the cost. It is easier to not care and just do whatever.

I have resigned from my position from Angie's Amazing Race. I created it, gave it breath, and watched it grow along with other friends. Angie was a friend that lost her battle to breast cancer and this was formed in her memory. She was such a fun person, and loved to laugh. Out of honoring her memory this event was created, and has been a blast to do for the past four years.

But things change, people change.

Oh forget it. I'll write more later.

I keep thinking I'll post.

I am beginning to think that Facebook is keeping me from posting, I'm posting my thoughts there. Shame on me.

I went to the painting summit this summer with Donna Dewberry and friends and got so energized that I couldn't wait to come home and start painting again and had tons of fresh ideas for my students.

While I was at the summit I found out that I would have the chance to teach at AC Moore, I was so excited, but nervous too. I've always taught in small settings where I was in control of where and when, now I would really have to be responsible for thinking ahead, and as most of you know my brain doesn't work to good in the future. lol.

Anyway, classes have started and I'm having a blast. Here are some photos of the first two class at AC Moore and also at the Senior Center.
Well forget the photos for now. We are at McDonalds tonight using their WIFI and I can't get the photos to upload. But they are on my facebook page if you want to look at them.

What a summer this has been. I am on an emotionally roller coaster, going from my Mom being sick and the doctors telling us that she was going to die within a few days, she is still living and kicking, to my sister being told that she has cancer, three masses in her lungs, to being told she has a rare pneumonia, to waiting for my surgery. I go to Chapel Hill on the 13th to find out what is going on. I have been dealing with this for months, I'm ready to just say forget it. If it isn't going to kill me then let's just leave things alone.

I need to start selling some of my art, want to buy any? lol. Where we are living now is right on a corner of a semi-busy road, I think I will start setting up a table on Saturdays and see if I can't sell some tee shirts or glasses or something. I told Phil that we need to have at least 1000 dollars extra a month to make ends meet, I am falling short on my end. So between classes and if I can sell some of my stuff that will help. There is an apartment building that just went up across the street with tons of college kids....Christmas is coming up and they are going to need gifts. Might as well let them purchase from me, right.

I've got to tell you, McDonald's is a hopping place late at night. Phil and I are sitting here with our laptops, another Husband and Wife are here, and now a young lady just came in with hers. It is opened all night long, guess we could stay here as long as we want too. Too bad they don't have sofas in here. lol.