.....................Yes, life does get better.

It has been two weeks now, and my heart isn't hurting like it was. I've brought Patch's ashes home and he is now sitting right in front of me, sort of. I felt so much better once we had his ashes, it was like he was still with us.

.........................still hurting.

I am so sorry but I need to express my hurt some where, somehow. I am still hurting over the loss of Patch, but what is hurting the most is knowing that my daughter is hurting so bad over her boyfriend breaking up with her and knowing that I can't help her. She is hurting to the point that I'm very worried about her. When I look at her it is like looking at a blank canvas, there is nothing there to resemble the person that she was on Saturday morning. She has always had a joy about her, it is completely gone. I worry about her all the time, she is always on my mind.

Now the ex-boyfriend is moving his girlfriend here to live with him, and this isn't even his home town. He moved here to be with Samantha, now he is moving this other girl here. Why can't he just leave, why throw this girl in her face. And he still hasn't spoken to Sam, hasn't got the balls to speak to her. Just texting....not explaining anything. Will Samantha ever have closure from this or will she always wonder what happened.

She hasn'[t eaten for two days now. She isn't sleeping. I know she will survive this, that she will go on but right now the pain is so raw, so real. Me, I want to hurt him. No, I won't hurt him but I would love for him to feel the pain that he has caused her. Will I ever get the picture of her on the floor out of my mind? Oh my God, she needs help.

What a weekend.

Friday we had to put down our family dog, of 11 years, and my heart is broken. Then while still reeling from this lost my daughter's boyfriend, whom she loved, broke off things with her today. So as I sit here and cry over Patch I also have tears for Samantha. I've never seen her so in love, she has been floating on air for months now...looking towards the future with stars in her eyes. And last night it started crashing all around her and she fell to the ground today. As a mother I can't stand seeing her hurt like this and I can't help her at all.

As if putting Patch down wasn't hard enough. He was such a brave dog, always protected me. When Phil was out of town I never worried cause I knew he would protect me no matter what. Now he is gone. His ashes will be here on Tuesday, so in a way he will still be with me. And Myles, they were best buddies and he is missing Patch. And the two black dogs are crying. It is the strangest experience, the dogs all know he is gone and they are grieving.

It is just a sad time in our home right now. I need God to carry me right now cause I don't think I have the strength to move right now.