.....................Yes, life does get better.

It has been two weeks now, and my heart isn't hurting like it was. I've brought Patch's ashes home and he is now sitting right in front of me, sort of. I felt so much better once we had his ashes, it was like he was still with us.

.........................still hurting.

I am so sorry but I need to express my hurt some where, somehow. I am still hurting over the loss of Patch, but what is hurting the most is knowing that my daughter is hurting so bad over her boyfriend breaking up with her and knowing that I can't help her. She is hurting to the point that I'm very worried about her. When I look at her it is like looking at a blank canvas, there is nothing there to resemble the person that she was on Saturday morning. She has always had a joy about her, it is completely gone. I worry about her all the time, she is always on my mind.

Now the ex-boyfriend is moving his girlfriend here to live with him, and this isn't even his home town. He moved here to be with Samantha, now he is moving this other girl here. Why can't he just leave, why throw this girl in her face. And he still hasn't spoken to Sam, hasn't got the balls to speak to her. Just texting....not explaining anything. Will Samantha ever have closure from this or will she always wonder what happened.

She hasn'[t eaten for two days now. She isn't sleeping. I know she will survive this, that she will go on but right now the pain is so raw, so real. Me, I want to hurt him. No, I won't hurt him but I would love for him to feel the pain that he has caused her. Will I ever get the picture of her on the floor out of my mind? Oh my God, she needs help.

What a weekend.

Friday we had to put down our family dog, of 11 years, and my heart is broken. Then while still reeling from this lost my daughter's boyfriend, whom she loved, broke off things with her today. So as I sit here and cry over Patch I also have tears for Samantha. I've never seen her so in love, she has been floating on air for months now...looking towards the future with stars in her eyes. And last night it started crashing all around her and she fell to the ground today. As a mother I can't stand seeing her hurt like this and I can't help her at all.

As if putting Patch down wasn't hard enough. He was such a brave dog, always protected me. When Phil was out of town I never worried cause I knew he would protect me no matter what. Now he is gone. His ashes will be here on Tuesday, so in a way he will still be with me. And Myles, they were best buddies and he is missing Patch. And the two black dogs are crying. It is the strangest experience, the dogs all know he is gone and they are grieving.

It is just a sad time in our home right now. I need God to carry me right now cause I don't think I have the strength to move right now.

...................Why should I be surprised?

People never really are what tehy seem to be anymore. People have forgotten how to do the right thing, no matter what the cost. It is easier to not care and just do whatever.

I have resigned from my position from Angie's Amazing Race. I created it, gave it breath, and watched it grow along with other friends. Angie was a friend that lost her battle to breast cancer and this was formed in her memory. She was such a fun person, and loved to laugh. Out of honoring her memory this event was created, and has been a blast to do for the past four years.

But things change, people change.

Oh forget it. I'll write more later.

I keep thinking I'll post.

I am beginning to think that Facebook is keeping me from posting, I'm posting my thoughts there. Shame on me.

I went to the painting summit this summer with Donna Dewberry and friends and got so energized that I couldn't wait to come home and start painting again and had tons of fresh ideas for my students.

While I was at the summit I found out that I would have the chance to teach at AC Moore, I was so excited, but nervous too. I've always taught in small settings where I was in control of where and when, now I would really have to be responsible for thinking ahead, and as most of you know my brain doesn't work to good in the future. lol.

Anyway, classes have started and I'm having a blast. Here are some photos of the first two class at AC Moore and also at the Senior Center.
Well forget the photos for now. We are at McDonalds tonight using their WIFI and I can't get the photos to upload. But they are on my facebook page if you want to look at them.

What a summer this has been. I am on an emotionally roller coaster, going from my Mom being sick and the doctors telling us that she was going to die within a few days, she is still living and kicking, to my sister being told that she has cancer, three masses in her lungs, to being told she has a rare pneumonia, to waiting for my surgery. I go to Chapel Hill on the 13th to find out what is going on. I have been dealing with this for months, I'm ready to just say forget it. If it isn't going to kill me then let's just leave things alone.

I need to start selling some of my art, want to buy any? lol. Where we are living now is right on a corner of a semi-busy road, I think I will start setting up a table on Saturdays and see if I can't sell some tee shirts or glasses or something. I told Phil that we need to have at least 1000 dollars extra a month to make ends meet, I am falling short on my end. So between classes and if I can sell some of my stuff that will help. There is an apartment building that just went up across the street with tons of college kids....Christmas is coming up and they are going to need gifts. Might as well let them purchase from me, right.

I've got to tell you, McDonald's is a hopping place late at night. Phil and I are sitting here with our laptops, another Husband and Wife are here, and now a young lady just came in with hers. It is opened all night long, guess we could stay here as long as we want too. Too bad they don't have sofas in here. lol.

.....................It's a new day.

Ok, so yesterday I had to go meet with the dietitian and learn what I could eat and what I can't. I've got to tell you, I wasn't that happy when I left. All I could see in front of me was years and years of not eating anything that tasted really good. All the foods that I had grown up on and have loved all these years are now bad for me. Good grief. Getting old is for the birds.

So, here I am cooking dinner now.....port tenderloin, veggies, and rice. The rice is probably not a good choice, but the other items are good. I've got to figure out the calories, saturated fats, trans fats, and carbs for each item and then log it in my journal. The plan is for me to lose weight slowly, get my cholorestol (I know I spelled it wrong and I even did spell check.) under control, and working with my diabetes. Fun, fun.

...........................It's good to laugh.

Phil and I were on our own this Saturday night, our usual Saturday night get together didn't happen and so we decided to have a date night. We went to see the movie "Date Night" and it was so funny. We laughed and laughed, it was great. And then after the movie I had to go potty and so Phil was standing there waiting on me. When he came out he was laughing and so I asked him why he was laughing. As we were walking to the car he told me that a man walked by him, laughing, and asked him if he enjoyed his popcorn. Phil told him that yes, he had enjoyed his popcorn. After the man walked off Phil looked down his shirt and he had popcorn stuck all over his shirt. He even had a big kernel hanging out of his shirt where the buttons were. I can just see him standing there trying to look all cook with popcorn all over him. Even as I type this I'm thinking about it and laughing, I can just see him now. lol.

Got to see Sweet Bella.

She is only 9 1/2 months old, but seems so much older. She has been walking for two months now, is trying to talk and can do so much more than you would expect from one so young. I went over to see her today, and she actually walked up to me for me to pick her up, I loved it. We don't see her as much as we would like to, but we so do enjoy our times together.

Soooo.....much has happened.

I know, you thought that I had fallen off of the face of the earth, right? At times I've felt like it myself. But I've miss blogging, missed having an outlet for my thoughts. So here I am again, anyone out there remember me?

I'm teaching two painting classes each week, one at Poplar Grove on Thursday nights and then one at the Senior Center at Topsail on Tuesdays. I'll post some photos later of the classes.

Okay, so where have I been? We had to move again, long story there but this time we got screwed, even when to a lawyer about what was happening and there was nothing that could be done. So two UNHONEST men got our land and house, we went to get the loan in our name and they wanted to add 100,000.00 on top of the price. Well we couldn't do that and so we had to move away from land that had been my mom's forever. Needless to say, this has cause a problem between my Mother and us. Sad times.

Then about 6 weeks or so ago I was told by the doctor that he thought I might have cancer. We lived with that for a while, also had to start giving myself shots that kept me really very sick. Had some procedures done and the doctor that did the test told us that he doesn't think it is cancer now, but there are some other health issues that we are going to have to deal with, one day at a time.

I was also told that I was diabetic, so now I'm giving myself shots everyday and checking my levels everyday. I still have a lot to learn about diabetes, I'm not sure about what to eat and all of that. I meet with the dietitian on Monday, that will help me to figure things out. And I'm getting pretty good at giving myself shots, but not doing to good with the finger pokes. Must be holding the needle thing wrong. Oh well.

We are living in a very old house now, in the middle of Wilmington. Phil and I have neither one lived this far into Wilmington. But we really do like it, the house and the yard. The house is so old that there were no electrical plugins in the bathroom, and no three prong outlets. The lady that owns the house has enclosed two sunrooms, so we have pretty much given them over to the dogs, they stay out there during the day and then comes in with us in the evenings. The house is staying so much cleaner now that the dogs aren't in the house as much. Little Myles loves being outside, he thinks he is just as big as the other dogs. And talking about dogs, we had to have Drake's tail cut off. He hurt it on something at the other house and it wouldn't heal, even with trying all kinds of drugs and stuff like that. Finally the doctor decided it was time to let it go, so now he has a stub. It is cute, but different looking. He is doing well now, and not in pain all the time.

well, I think that is enogh for now. back later.